Think about the last argument or disagreement you had. The other person made a comment that evoked pain in you, and you responded with… what?

In the book of Proverbs, God is training his sons and daughters to live wisely and skillfully in everyday situations. It’s an eminently practical book; a mine full of treasures! In 15.1—picking up the theme of anger from 14.35—we are told this: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

By the way, if you’re like me, you have to read a Proverb at least four times slowly before it really starts to sink in. Try it and see what a difference it makes.

It takes a lot of discipline to give soft answers in the midst of an irritating or angry confrontation. It’s so much easier and self-pleasing to yield to your temper, to resort to childish sarcasm, to get defensive, and to start throwing around “hard” words.

Charles Bridges (who died 100 years before I was born) put it this way:

“Neither party gives up an atom of the will. Pride and passion on both sides strike together like two flints; and ‘Behold! How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!’ (James 3.5).”

— Charles Bridges

But as God asked Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry?” (4.9). If you want to see an escalating confrontation turn into a fruitful conversation, look for an opportunity to give a soft word. Gentle and wise responses calm anger. Immature wounding of the other person—just to score points—provokes anger. In the end, it’s a matter of who you trust to justify you. If you’ve got to justify yourself, then you better start sharpening your words, because you’re going to need every tool you can get your hands on. There’s just so much ground to cover that you can’t afford to let an opportunity pass by. But if Christ is your justification, then you have the freedom to use soft words. And in the hands (or mouth) of a wise person a soft word is not the same thing as a weak word. A soft word, employed skillfully, is strong enough to break bones. See Proverbs 25.15.